The Mountain

So many people struggling with life.

We often tend to project our own suffering on to events and people as a way to manage it. Or  to deny reality so that our inner pain doesn't encroach to the point that it makes us break down, burn out or fall into depression. We avoid that eventuality like the plague because it is so painful and horrific to be confronted by the insignificance of our own existence. 

The only thing that keeps us rolling on from one ultimately dissatisfying experience to the other is the inexhaustible supply of banal whisperings from our ever-present and seemingly all-powerful ego. It  constantly states that this is IT. All we can ever be is dependent, self-important and forever tied to varying extremes of desire. 

Nothing wrong with desire of course. 

But how often is this desire to discover, the desire to assist or the natural desire to live our dreams pushed into a pathology, where we learn to identify far too much with the object of our attention?  Our society is replete with such human suffering.

Once we identify and become addicted to those diminishing returns based on often subtle wants and needs, whether it be sex, substance abuse or academic obsession we become lost to our real selves - usually spiraling down into a false, inauthentic life and the inevitable pendulum swings between "happy" and "sad". 

The irony is that we can be convinced that we see it all along; WE have the inside scoop - no flies on us. Our intellect can weave a very tangled web indeed, taking its cue from emotions that are screaming for attention behind that vast fabricated personality we have created to survive. 

When do we just stop and place our trust in the very natural ability for Life/Reality/ Universe to provide what we need? I don't mean we just give up and sit on the sofa in front of Big brother supping on a beer. I mean placing trust in the boundless and rich potential of the Universe to position us where we need to be,  or to give us the tools to fulfil our potential. 

But how many of us really do that?

Well, we have been taught to believe such a thing is silly and pointless. From the half-truths of the New Age to the dogma of Darwinism and our narcissistic culture that prides itself on mediocrity it is little wonder we are searching in all the wrong places.

For some it is a loooong process to return from the shadows. I count myself as one of those who is hopefully on that path of return. But it can be done if you take a bird's eye perspective and never give up. But you have to understand that no one can do this for you. You truly are alone in that respect at least, and that's as it should be.

You might say: "Why look for a Spirit-reality that doesn't exist let alone try to embody it in your life?"  Well, I suppose that is up to the very personal truth of the individual.

The thing is, based on my own experience not only is there such a Spirit-reality but it is wider and richer than we can ever imagine. But you have to make the effort - genuine effort - even if you keep failing. If the intent is true then gradually, results will follow.  You just have to start. Imagine what is for you, the epitome of Truth, Justice, Love and Goodness and that you wish to be given the tools so that you may align yourself towards such an ideal. 

You'll receive assistance in obtaining what it is you need to grow if you sincerely ask rather than plead. And then you'll get what you need rather than what you want. 

Sure, Life will give it to you - usually with steel-capped boots, but it will give you exactly what you need to grow. 

So don't whinge and whine if all hell breaks loose initially. And things will get really rough if you continue to deny these gifts as it'll be a bit late to turn back to your old self. Believe me I tried often enough and you end up scaling an even bigger wall than you imagined possible.

If we change our inner ecology to something more inclusive, less self-oriented; cultivate humility in the face of an enormous unknown and be more consciously aware of the effects we have in our environment, then slowly, not only does reality create a better mirror of our inner state but unexpected and positive occurances take place based on that new self.

It has started to happen to me after a lot of effort and a lot of false starts and pain. I have nothing really to show for it externally mind you, but internally the fire is lit and I can feel its warmth in my interactions and the enjoyment of simple daily tasks. 

It's a peace that is not an escape but a foundation for renewal in thought. 

Initially however, we need faith and persistence to see it though, bearing in mind that it is "work in progress" and we will fail more times than we are successful in the beginning.

I count myself as one of those that lived through the false protection of the ego-mask for about 30 years before the realisations that the energy I was giving out was often entirely conditional and based on certain criteria. You don't move forward if you are giving to get something, however unconscious that may be. 

It is only now that I see a glimmer of something authentic in myself.  It is only when I lost what I thought was dear to me - and in a material sense on top of that  - did I understand. 

Then you experience depression and loss and your raw, real Self is given a chance to be born. 

In other words, we build up a false persona in order to survive the vissictitudes of early life. Sometimes we are just not strong enough. The child has this mechanism as a natural stage as the individual personality begins to grow and form. 

Then as the hurt and pain descend, this becomes the Self at the cost of displacing the essence, the true Being or Core of the person in question. The number of folks like this with all their various self justifications and rationalizations for living this false existence are literally legion - Maybe 95% of us.

Be that as it may, not everyone has to suffer the fires of hell before they "get it." But most do, if we are lucky enough to get it at all. Hopefully, we can gain a greater awareness of our behaviour before we lose too much of our essence.

(Ever feel like your soul is being sapped through following unhealthy habits in our daily lives?)

Through suffering we can begin to know what works and what doesn't. We choose to try and understand that certain dynamics we have learned from childhood and beyond may provide quicker dividends but often prove toxic in the long-term based as they are on an entirely subjective or programmed view of reality. Slowly, we start to build some knowledge instead of pseudo-knowledge sourced from negative emotions, fear and belief-traps. 

Nevertheless, it can be a double-edged sword. If the methodology for increasing awareness is too harsh or inappropriate to the emotional, mental or physical mechanism of the person then only more emotional blockage results, whilst our instincts and barriers  remain firmly in control, resisting any power grab like a caged animal backed into a corner. 

Some folks can only re-learn how to live natural, happy and fulfilling lives by a gentle approach where, as a process of attrition, the governing  narcissistic tendencies are slowly dissolved. For others, shocking the system can work in an emotionally loving and trusting network where the ego is stripped of its importance and relegated to its healthy role. 

The key here is to be aware that such work is needed. But you cannot be aware of that which you are unaware. Hence the shocks which can come into play given by loving, trusted friends and therapists. The greater the shocks, and when offered with love, the bigger the opportunity to "re-calibrate" your psycho-spiritual system.

This can only work if there is "fuel in the tank" in terms of sufficient awareness and the ability to process what is going on - as well as the basic wish to do so. If the "cup is full" then there's not much to be done. We can only offer help to assist another to grow if they have expressly asked for it. Otherwise it is just another abridgement of free-will.

(I will help you because I know what's good for you). 

But if we genuinely choose to grow something authentic inside, your ego won't like and you can bet your bottom dollar all kinds of emotional reactions will immediately run like a CD selecting the required program.

When someone is confronted with objective facts of his long-term and daily, mechanical behaviour this can be very painful but ultimately liberating. After all, how dare that lover or friend see through your facade! How dare they place a mirror in front of me!

FUCK YOU. I KNOW WHO I AM. YOU THINK YOU'RE SO PERFECT? WELL, LET ME TELL YOU SOMETHING ....

And so on...

The Ego will try everything it can to maintain it's hold. Like a spoilt child having a tantrum, the last thing it wants to do is relinquish its power. Humility, vulnerability and trust don't come easily to it. Wants, needs and an everlasting pursuit of the next comfort-zone - material, mental or emotional is its special role. It has done a good job forging a path through the jungle after all. But if we are to have wisdom and a truly individual life away from "The Matrix" of mechanized thinking which regurgitates thoughts and desires not our own, we have to let go and trust.

For most, it is a slow process of recognition coupled with that suffering, that refusal to relinquish those addictive habits and behaviours which we think we need to survive in this world.

If you intuit that there is something more than the 3D world then this must at some stage, be acted upon. Then the slow climb up the mountain begins. When that choice takes place then the potential exists for this massive wall of belief and fear to come tumbling down. Or, to allow the odd few cracks to appear so that some measure of light trickles through.

Not that we demonize the ego or banish it into some fantasy of love and light that is devoid of the earthy, shadow side.  The ego just needs to be told who is boss - and that takes a lot of time and effort. But the rewards are great. ( And I say that from someone with his great flat foot barely approaching the first step.)

There is a science to Life and it is one of simplicity and sincerity that starts with the very small (patience, endurance, kindness, self-observation, discernment, positive emotions) so that it becomes habitual and natural. Then it seems to change into more complexity as Life throws you more fire-ball influences from left field that respond to your new way of Being. Some of these fireballs are problematic and require new solutions, others can augment your new Self like sign-posts along a pot-holed path.

Nonetheless, once you make that decision to keep walking forward (usually when you are broken and have no place left to go except up)  you can make that choice to rise up again with a more humble and chastened view of what constitutes correct human relations. Ambition, desire and control all have to be re-interpreted, even turned on their heads.

And through this "cold Turkey" of realisation that you were living a dysfunctional life it can turn around.  We can wear our victim-hood like a vampire or choose to take responsibility for our own integrity. We can choose to leave behind our own weaknesses and accrued hurts from others, as well as conditioning from our pathological society that insists we conform to ant-spiritual ideals. (It's a mine field of deception on that score).

Slowly, we can begin to see the extraordinary richness of this reality we inhabit. Its then that we begin to build something within so that our desires are directed to building that same quality without.

Then we may see that it's not all about us.

Words are easy however. Actions are all that count. So, with that in mind, I try not to run before I can walk but walk I intend to do, and walk in the correct direction even if I can't see the horizon.

Good luck on your own journey, whatever detours you choose to take as you navigate your way through this human experience.